Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize