And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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