i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
