Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
