worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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