I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
