i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i have herpe
just one?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
