Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I love having hate sex.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
