So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
