I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize