She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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