i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
