i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
