No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
