The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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