maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
