If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
