have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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