it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
