Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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