all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize