a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
