Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
