Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
