I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
