dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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