I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
