stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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