barbara walters just said penis...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
