Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
