i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
