Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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