I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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