Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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