I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
