I think i sorta joined a cult last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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