I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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