She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i drank out of a bidet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
