I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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