Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
