just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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