come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
