Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
