I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
