You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
