I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
