OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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