pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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