i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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