I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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