Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
