One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
