Just fell off a train. Bad.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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