did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
