Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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