i was born a porn star she said
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
