just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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