just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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