i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
