You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
