Whod you bang
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We had sex on a dog bed..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
