I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
