yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize