I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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