my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
