Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
