After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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