I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
