I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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