fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize