I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
