I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
