my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize