I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
