just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
