What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
