So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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