She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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